did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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