all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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