I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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