I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
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It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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