You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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