jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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