She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
