she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
