you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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