he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
