Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
