Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
