Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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