i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
