Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
