2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
