home. puking in laundry basket.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
