Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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