we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
