You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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