he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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