I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
