Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
