She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
