Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
