I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
