I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
