you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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