Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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