i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
