he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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