I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
