just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
