Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
