i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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