Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
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