I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
