OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
