the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
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i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
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I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize