Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
