yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
