Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
