Sponge bath it is.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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