Kiss
Puke
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
