he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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