I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
