I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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