I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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