Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
