eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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