i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Dick very happy bro
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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