I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
