I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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