Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
sex in a hospital.. check
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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