Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
