is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
