No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Randomize
