Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
