I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
