We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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