I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
