My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
