The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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