Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
