yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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