i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
