Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
