He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
