Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
