I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
